Thursday, March 26, 2015

Autism Chronicles Part III: STILL A "STEP-DAD" AFTER 12-YEARS.....



We have a really nice guy come during the week to  be with Johnny...a Mentor if you will.  Great dude, but today I was unclogging the sink in the bathroom and Johnny tried to come in and the guy says..." Just a minute Johnny...wait till your step dad's done..."  My heart just crushed...that sums it up for me..."Step-dad" still after 12- years...what's 365  12 anyway?

Autism Chronicles Part II: (Trying to become a...) Proud Father of an Autistic Teenager

I am the proud father of a teenager with autism in that I'm proud of him but I'm not ready to call myself a "Proud Father," as in a "Father" who is proud of his achievements as a "Father." I've been Johnny’s Dad since he was about to turn 3-years old. I was proud when I Married his mother, only I think I was only proud of myself. Proud to make this single mom’s life better by marrying her and taking her far away from the sweltering heat, dust, danger and discrimination found only in other Border-towns.


In the beginning, I had always felt I was being humble by not talking about Johnny. He was my 1st son, but technically my "step-son," and he was “Special” so every time I did talk about him I always felt conflict within me like my stories should be kept private, or I wondered if people thought I wanted then to revere me, and sometimes I even felt like I was complaining. I remember how much work it was for my wife and I to start the process of getting Johnny the Medical support he needed even with the best insurance money could buy at the time. Those early years were when I learned about the spectrum of Autism, Cognitive Impairment and the affects Autism can have on taking your wife out on a date.


I never mentioned Johnny to many people because of the sacrifices I was making for him and the work I had to do because of him. The years went by and living with Autism became the biggest challenge in my life, and I’m not proud of my handling of Johnny’s Autism and my job as a Father could only be called mediocre at best, but I have improved over these last few years.
If I could tell Johnny anything I would tell him:”1st Thank you for sharing your mom with me.” 2nd, “I’m proud of you for moving here so long ago, so far from your Home and conquering so many challenges one after the other including me.” Lastly, "I'm going to make you proud to call me Dad one day, and make sure that you get the life I implied when I married your mother."







Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Autism Chronicles-Finding Autism, Finding Love

Autism Awareness is April 02 for the world, but it's every day for me, so I decided to write my remaining April Blogs about my journey living with Autism.  I helped raised my step-son since he was almost 4-years old.  I actually met him before I met my wife.  He was sitting at a school cafeteria table alone screaming at the top of his lungs.  I knew he was Special Needs  because that's when Special Needs kids ate, but what I never understood was why the rest of the class was two tables over, including staff.  The first time I saw this wasn't the last time, then one day I saw the mom come and pick him up.  The staff hurriedly rushed her to his table, pointing in his direction while in the middle of a tantrum.  I recognized the mom from the restaurant where I got my burritos from after work and had given me the cold shoulder every time I tried to talk to her.  I had got tired of her ignoring me so I gave her my number and told her call me if she ever got bored, then found myself looking for another restaurant to buy my burritos.  The little boy at the huge round table was hers and my heart went out to them both and I felt like imposing my opinions about what I had been seeing all the time, too many times for that matter, but I just started working there so I kept my mouth shut and she never saw me.  Two weeks (more or less) passed when out of the blue she called me.  I'll never forget that day, it was a Sunday afternoon and I was in my office planning, watching tv etc., and after a long conversation she asked me out on a date.  Autism still meant nothing to me, I didn't know anything about her son other than he was 3-years old and was a student in the area's Head Start Program.   The words non-verbal, developmental delay, stimming, behavior disorder, cognitive impairment all meant nothing to me still.  That phone call changed my life forever.

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